It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
