you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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