please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
