Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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