this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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