I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
