i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
