worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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