Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
