I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
