Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
