i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
