Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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