at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
