She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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