What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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