there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
