mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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