I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
