My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
