So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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