Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
