Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
