I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
