Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
