i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
