How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
