BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
