he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
