I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
