its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
