i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
