im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
