stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
