Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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