god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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