I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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