Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
