I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
