Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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