Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
