So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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