I bet he comes in French.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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