2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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