She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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