the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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