You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
