Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
