i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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