Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
